Thought backlog

I am back now. I have more energy and balanced mind. It  was miraculous healing of mind.  The secret of mind control is to engage your mind in something non-trivial thing. If you can teach your mind to focus on breathing, sensation, chanting or any other form of task. It sharpens its ability. You develop habits of concentration. When I look back to those ten days at Vipassana Centre. It is a life changing experience. When we calm our mind and teach it to be quiet and equanimous then it definitely helps you to reduce emotional stress. I was suffering with unwanted emotional stress. When I am saying that I am positive thinker, it means that I am able to look at the positive output in any situation. It helped me to analyze and understand the biggest myth or lie which I kept telling myself. I am positive thinker. The truth is that I am not negative thinker. A person who is at the edge of positive or negative attitude, they fall prey to negative emotions very fast. It happened with me since last two years.

How you can control your conscious mind and get control of your subconscious mind? Our mind is very delicate, it is constantly trained through all sensors which we posses such as eye, ear etc. Conscious mind collects data and transfers to subconscious mind continuously. Our reasoning ability is built over the period of time. However, this reasoning ability can be changed very easily. Most of the time, it is changed with any small event. My experience in that 10 day course was wonderful. First three days were annoying. I kept on struggling with unwanted memories and thoughts. It is challenging task to force your mind to concentrate on certain task without remembering or thinking about any other thing. The second challenge is to develop the ability to sit for long hours. How wonderful it is to think that both these challenges are only linked with your mind! You have to be determined and patient to overcome both these challenges.  Within three days, I was able to gain control of my mind to certain extend. I was able to sit for 1 hour without moving. I realized that we work based on what we tell our mind. Before starting meditation, I told my mind that I have to sit for 1 hour. Once that hour was finished, I could not resist to change my position. I told myself that I will do 5 rounds of a task and then I will stop. I did not count it. I realized that it automatically forces me to change the position after 5 sets. I started defining non-time frame task. It helped me to improve my seatting. Its profound realization that what you say to yourself or others has deep impact on your performance. We know this very well, it was demonstrated to myself.

Three key stories of my life- Part I

Today I am going start writing three key story series of my life. The key stories means the way I lost three keys. First key lost incident happened when I was graduate student at IITBombay. I always believed that thought becomes thing. One fine morning, I was going from Metullargy Department to F2 Shed lab. I was passing through infinity corridor. The corridor is at certain height from the surface. At the bottom of the corridor, there are rain water discharge pipelines.  In short, it is like a bridge. It was only five minute walk. On the way to lab, I saw small holes at the corner of a corridor. The hole size may be around similar to 25 cent. I was carrying lab key in my hand. Suddenly, I thought that if this key will fall down from this hole then what could happen. I went to lab and I worked for almost four hours.

  When I was coming back, surprisingly, the key fell down from my hand. It fell down and went through that small hole somewhere in those rain water pipelines. I was terrified to see my thought came into existence. I started blaming myself for thinking wrong thought. Why on this earth I thought about my key falling down from the small hole. I gathered courage to tell my professor about this incidence. I explained him that what happened to the key. He told that he has to write letter and explain about lab key lost. It would be a lot of work for him. He could not understand and asked me to show the spot where that incident happened. I became nervous thinking that what he might think about me. He came with me. Ooops! He asked me that from which hole that key fell down. It was new realization that there were equidistant five to six holes. I was not able to remember that where exactly it fell down. I still do not know, what he thought about me. He asked me to go to security kiosk to get help to find that key. I went to them and explained everything about the incident. They had similar reaction like my Professor. They were too surprised to see the way I lost that key. One security guard jumped down, he started search for it. My Professor went back and asked me to update about it. After two hours of hardwork, they were able to recover it. I was relieved form tension and pressure. I went to Professor to tell him that good news. I remember that he laughed aloud and said that be careful next time.

Today I look back at this incident, I feel it is funny. I learned a lesson that how much awful situation might be in your life. It would become funny story in the past. So why not laugh a loud in the present.  Here I end the first part of my key story series. I will come back tomorrow.

Random thought end

When I was doing Vipassana meditation, I remember that suddenly on sixth day a thought stuck in my mind. I was sitting near cliff. I was looking down to see the flowing water. The serenity and peace in nature was talking to me silently. Actually, I was meditating at the moment, it was a thoughtless moment. Suddenly, I remember some scene from a movie. I removed that thought and continued my silence. Again, I thought about sunset at IITBombay which I enjoyed everyday for almost seven years. I started thinking about these random thoughts which stuck my mind within those 15 min. I was aware of each and every thought and I started linking these random thoughts. I was surprised that how these random thought generates. Click! I felt in that moment that nothing is actually random. When we are not able to define anything then we call it as a random. I was able to see the connection between existing condition and thought. All the thoughts in the present moment are triggered due to association made in our mind to remember particular instance. For example, if I fell down from some spot then my mind will notice it. When I will face similar situation then it automatically reminds me about that memory. I followed this realization through out my stay there. I was able to track down reason for particular thought at any moment during meditation. That's why it is hard for a person to meditate daily. We have chaos in our mind. Whatever we see and do is registered in our mind. When we start meditation, it generates a flash back of our daily events. I am hopeful to achieve quiet and equanimous mind in the middle of daily chores and chaos. You are bound to be successful.

In this way, my random thought series of writing ended because I believe that there is nothing random in nature. Whatever is random that is not completely understood or defined yet.

Life is beautiful!

My life filled with joy and happiness. I cannot imagine myself to become one with him. Its journey which I want to express through words. But it cannot be written fully, it is beyond my imagination. You can only feel it. I met Rakesh almost six years back. I don't know that I can say that it's been long time. It's been wonderful time of my life. Life is beautiful. I have this realization everyday now. It was not easy journey. I found myself transformed to a better self. Any relationship is demanding. We always try to control or seek something from each and every person with whom we are living. We may not be aware of this fact. It is a bitter truth. I know myself to go to any extend to achieve anything. When it comes to relationship. In these three years after marriage, I spent with him and had too many expectations.  I was angry, anxious, mad, jealous so manytimes. I went through different emotions. I forced him to do so many things which I expected. He is really amazing person. I define his personality as a balanced. He bear all my non-sense behaviour. He changed a lot for me. He tried his level best to fulfill all my expectations.  I feel awful about my behaviour now.  On the other hand, he never told anything about his expectations. I asked him that what he expects. He always answered that you are perfect and you are exactly the way I wanted my life partner. Today, when I look back and I realize that you can love anyone without expecting anything. He taught me this biggest lesson of my life. Now I no more seek anything from him. I don't feel like asking him or pushing him to do anything. You have to accept a person the way he/she is. I think that marriage is such a commitment where you have to walk together without crossing each other's path. He never argued for anything. He never criticized me. He never asked me to change. He showed me a way to love without expecting. It's been a wonderful and adventurous journey till now.  I know that he is with me forever.  I love him more every day.

Once again mind, thought and programming!

I went for 10 days Vipassana meditation course. Its been long time that I wanted to do this course. At last, I did this course in Canada and not in India. My father started Vipassana six month back. He again recommended me to go for it as early as possible.  It is wonderful opportunity for those who like to understand mind and gain control over emotional stress. Most importantly what amazed me is that it is free course. It is completely run using donations and volunteers. I completed this retreat at Ontario Vipassana Centre (http://www.torana.dhamma.org/) named as Dhamma Torana.  At the center, I talked with course participant on the first day and asked them why they have interest in this. I was curious to know that what are the possible reason for a person to come for 10 days long meditation course.  I was surprised to see the participants from different countries and various religion. It is written on the website about introduction to Vipassana as it is one of India's oldest techniques of meditation, first taught 2,500 years ago. It is a practical method of self-awareness that allows one to face the tensions and problems of daily life in a calm and balanced way. It is based on the Gautam Budhha's teaching. You have to follow few code of discipline. It is rrequires hardwork. You need to have patience and determination to learn to have calm and balanced mind. Everything is changing, it is "Anitya" which you will hear every now and then during the course. The main teacher of Vipassana Meditation is Mr. S.N. Goenka. All the instructions and discourses are given by him. His voice is commanding. I liked all the discourses mainly because it resembled my opinion about all those subject which were discussed. However, I did not believe in few things which were discussed in the discourse. 

My experience in that 10 days course was wonderful. First three days were annoying. I kept on struggling with unwanted memories and thoughts. It is challenging task to force your mind to concentrate on certain task without remembering or thinking about any other thing. Second challenge is to develop ability to sit for long hours. How wonderful it is to think that both these challenges are only linked with your mind! You have to be determined and patient to overcome both these challenges.  Within three days, I was able to gain control of my mind to certain extend. I was able to sit for 1 hour without moving. I realised that we work based on what we tell our mind. Before starting meditation, I was telling my mind that I have to sit for 1 hour. Once that hour was finished, I couldnot resist to change my position. I told myself that I will do 5 rounds of task and then I will stop. I did not count it. I realised that it automatically force me to change the position after 5 sets. I started defining non-time frame task. It helped me to improve my sitting. Its profound realization that what you tell to yourself or others tells you has deep impact on your performance. We know this very well, it was demonstration to myself.I understood this lesson through my own experience.

We were given instruction about the meditation technique and how it works. Everyday there were some chanting and repetition of few concepts such as everything is changing. Your reaction causes suffering, you can achieve balanced and equanimous mind through this meditation technique. First day it self, I was stuck with one thought that when Gautam Bhdhha were searching reason for unhappiness. He started wandering and met few saint who taught him meditation. He was looking for the truth. He found it for himself. He passed his understanding to other people. Now, if this meditation technique were taught without telling what a person is going to experience. How it will work in that scenario? Before starting of each meditation sitting, I was told again and again that any reaction generate craving or aversion. I have to learn to control reaction which in turn will stop craving and aversion. If I was told that you have to experience the sensation in your body. Learn to focus your mind on the sensations and dont react on these sensation. With this information, if I was told to spend those ten days then I guess that I might have had something different experience.

When you meditate that time you go through different stages. At one point you feel energy flow through out your body.  I was wondering that what this energy flow is and how to link it to the physical and biochemical reaction. I have experienced it only twice. I am curios to explore this phenomena of mind and matter. I had strange experience. After thirds day, I realized that my mind became very sharp and focused / sensitive that when I was closing my eyes, I was able to see HD quality colorful images. Usually, when I close my eyes, I can create black and white or grey shade pictures. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was seeing natural beauty such as tress, ocean, sea plants and animals etc. I never saw any known person or human being. These images were like video. Mind was generating some beautiful and colorful movie. I was able to see all colors. When I was trying to focus on sensation and forcing my mind to stop that imagination, it use to create a standstill image like pause in a video. If my focus was again shifted to that image then it was starting that movie again.

How you can control your conscious mind and get control of your subconscious mind? Our mind is very delicate, it is constantly trained through all sensors which we posses such as eye, ear etc. Conscious mind collects data and transfers to subconscious mind continuously. Our reasoning ability is build over the period of time. However, this reasoning ability can be changed very easily. Most of the time, it is changed with any small event. I am analyzing all these things to understand myself.  When we start observing sensations and try to stop reaction, I was wondering that what way it is linked to nervous system and brain function. I started analyzing its link at biological level where and how this meditation works in real life.

I thought about so many things through that period. I am happy that I did this course. Hope to go for it again

The fourth dimension

In mathematics, the fourth dimension, or a four-dimensional ("4D") space, is an abstract concept derived by generalizing the rules of three-dimensional space( Wiki). I have learned over these year about 1D, 2D and 3D. I worked with all these geometries. I can create even 3D geometries by hand. When I was reading brief history of time, I read about time-space and fourth dimension concept. In my thoughts, I keep searching meaning of this space-time relationship. I am not able to make connection between them. I still perceive time as an independent quantity. Rather, its the driving force behind everything. Its more than or beyond time-space relationship.

We never experience the same moment again. However, we live in the same space with changing time. The measure of time is defined for some purpose.

I opened this draft which I have written few months back. I am not able to recall thoughts related to this article. It is amazing to see how over period of time, we are moving forward and whatever moments are gone and gone forever. So it is better to learn to Do it NOW.

Happy Nding!

Positive thinking!

What is positive thinking? Its simple question with profound answer. I will define positive thinking as overcoming useless mind chattering and negative thoughts.
We are continuously trying to become positive thinker. Its similar to happiness. We are seeking happiness endlessly. We never realize it that its with us all the time. When I started new journey in Toronto, I was confident that I am a positive thinker. With the positive thoughts, one can achieve anything and be happy.I was happy in the middle of difficult situation. I was fighter. I always believed that fighter always wins (fighter hamesha jitata hai). I learned BIG lesson of my life. How to start from scratch and build a castle again without using any old resources.